We all deserve love

This blog is not intended to make anyone feel back or they are lacking I just wanted to share some thoughts I've had. As most people know I have been teaching a class on marriage at church and this got me thinking and evaluating my marriage a lot. 

I was thinking back a little over four years ago when I thought I was broken beyond repair. ( Thankfully I have a Savior who thought otherwise) I was a new member who couldn't find their place. I was 26 and divorced. My friend who was like a protective momma bear urged me to go to the single's ward because she was worried I would fall away if I continued how I was. Against how I felt, I went. What I realized was many people were my age or in similar situations and I felt a sense of belonging. It only took a couple weeks before my friends were trying to set me up. I love them dearly, but they had no idea what I had been through and what I was working on. I was in no position to date! But one evening I met a funny, charming, good looking man who would change my life forever. This blog is about him. 

  It didn't take long for me to realize Clint loved the gospel and had a deep love for his Heavenly Father as well as Jesus Christ. Some things I learned about him: he served a two year mission, he attended church every Sunday, he had never tasted alcohol or any other substance covered under the Word of Wisdom, I hadn't heard him cuss or seen him angry, he hadn't dated much (which means no crazy exes), he opened my car door, he was temple worthy, and he kept the law of chastity.I don't mention these things to brag about him or embarrass him, but only to make a point in this blog. I remember telling my friends about him and all these qualities. One friend who is not a member then said, "what the heck is he Jesus?" At the time I laughed it off and said something along the lines of pretty close. But then this statement got me thinking: did I deserve someone like this? I had a hard time following most of these things, I cussed like a sailor, I had dated tons and was easily angered. Honestly, even for the first year of our marriage I was waiting for the bottom to fall out. There was no way someone like him could love someone like me. Sure Clint isn't perfect and has some things that make me turn into a crazy lady, but what I have learned over the years is I do deserve to be loved by him. Although I was struggling I was working to repent and change that is what Heavenly Father asked of me. The thing about Clint is he loves me with a Christ-like love. He didn't see me as the broken woman I was. He didn't see the sins, the bad traits I hadn't shed. What he saw was a daughter of God. That is exactly who I am. I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally. He loved me enough to trust me with Clint. Clint had tried his very best to have many Christ-like traits and Heavenly Father knew I needed someone like that. At the time I was so focused on my past that I didn't even notice the love Heavenly Father had for me then. He didn't send me another trial or someone to judge me. He sent me someone who would love me as close to the way He loved me. That is what I've realized as I have been preparing for this marriage class. We all deserve to be loved like Heavenly Father loves us. No matter where we are in life we can change and be better. Like I said in my class I hope to one day be like my husband and even more so be like Jesus Christ. That is why we are here, to become more Christlike and endure to the end. I have such a strong testimony of this and His love for me. This realization has made me want to be better because what better way to show my thanks for Clint. I need to be more Christ-like and provide the same kind of love as a way to show I am thankful for all He has done. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Sent from my iPhone

Fireside Talk

So I was asked to speak tonight at a mid-singles fireside...I always love the idea of speaking until right before when I feel like I am going to throw up. But I had a lot of people comment afterwards about my talk so I decided to post it for all to read. Yes I always share way too much, but that is me. :)

 I first want to start off by sharing a little about myself to give some insight as to why I have chosen this particular topic.  I grew up in the Catholic Church and many of my family members are devout Catholics. We went to church every Sunday not just on Christmas and Easter. When I was old enough to make my own decision I stopped going, as I did not believe all I had been taught.  Fast forward many years, I was 24 and had been married about a year, but my marriage was falling apart. We decided that maybe we should try to put God into our marriage and that might save us. We had been attending many different churches and couldn’t find one that clicked. I was attending cosmetology school at the time and a friend who was LDS told me she was going to send the missionaries over. I wanted to be polite so I did not tell her no, but I wanted no part of the LDS church. My husband started to take the lessons and I refused to come out of the bedroom. When he decided to be baptized I informed him that I would divorce him if he chose this path. He decided to wait until I got on board.  About a year and a half later, I started to come out of the room and listen to the lessons. There were a particular set of Elders that I bonded with and it was easier to accept the lessons, but I still could not agree to join the church. I thought I would never fit in.  Eventually, I decided to pray about it as they had suggested. Both Elders had moved on to other areas, but I decided now was the time to pray.  That night I got on my knees for the first time and I had a conversation with my Heavenly Father. I told Him that he needed to give me a big sign that this was the true church or I would never join. That night I had a dream that I was baptized by one of the Elders that had been transferred to another area. When I awoke I thought to myself this was not possible, as he wasn’t serving in my area anymore. That day there was a knock at my door and there stood that Elder. The missionaries had training and in order for some to attend they had to do exchanges.  I scheduled my baptism that day and was baptized the following Saturday.  I entered the waters of baptism on April 25, 2011. I wish I could say that I have stayed on the straight and narrow path since that date, but things did not go as I had envisioned.  Just a couple months after my baptism, my marriage ended.  I was completely lost and quickly fell off the path that I had worked so hard to stay on. I no longer felt like I belonged in a family ward and the friends who had helped me along the way would no longer be in my ward. I felt like I was too old at 26 to attend the single’s ward so I did the only thing that sounded right. I quit going to church. I quit following many of the commandments of the church. I felt that I was so far gone that I could never go back.

   It was the day before Halloween and I was laying in the dark or my bedroom contemplating my life.  When I was married I had everything I wanted and now I was dirt poor. I had to live with my grandma because I couldn’t afford my rent anymore. I felt as if I had nothing going for me. It was that night that I contemplated ending my own life. In the last few months I had gone from a husband who didn’t love me, to someone who physical abused me and belittled me causing me to hate myself. I did not want anyone to know the things that I had done in the past months or who I had become so I sat there and cried. I decided there was only one person who could help me and that was my Heavenly Father. So I prayed and I got the feeling I should call my original Bishop. I called him and he had me meet him at the church an hour later. I told him everything that had happened. He let me know that I could repent and find my way back.  He then told me to start attending the single’s ward. So as much as I didn’t want too I went anyway. I didn’t know anyone, but I went because I wanted to repent and make things better. The first Sunday I was there a girl introduced herself to me and invite me to a mid-singles barn dance. I was hesitant, but agreed to go.  About a week later I attended with my new friends and that evening I met Clint. He was quiet and shy, but within a few weeks he had opened up to me. I was in no place to be dating anyone as I was still going through the repentance process, but dating Clint was easy. He was fun and he made me forget the things I was going through. We very quickly started to fall for each other and I knew he was worthy to enter the temple. I was not and I did not think it was fair to take that away from him. I sat him down one night and told him every part of my story even the most horrible things I had done and that if he wanted to marry me it would not be in the temple. At the end he looked at me with a smile and said, “It is okay, we all make mistakes.” We were engaged a few weeks later and married in March.  The reason I wanted to share this story in detail is to show that we all can take part in the repentance process. It is there for us all and we should use it. Jesus Christ died for us so that we may be able to return to our Father in Heaven. I would hate to do everything in my power to do that. 

  During our first year of marriage I was still going through the repentance process.  We had bought a house and ended up in the Nampa 6^th Ward. I wasn’t thrilled about having to retell my story to my new Bishop, but it was all part of the process.  For me the first year was tough. We never fought and we always had fun, but I was very guarded. I could not get past the feelings and the hurt of the previous events. There were easy days and there were days when I would randomly start crying because something triggered a memory. I became controlling and crazy. When I went to a therapist to work these things out I realized the reason I still had these feelings was for one simple thing. I hadn’t fully completed the repentance process because I had never forgiven myself.  The Bishop shared a scripture with me, which I still remember to this day, it was from Like Chapter 9 verse 62, “And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” This scripture was so important to me because it taught me a simple lesson about the repentance process. Once we have fully repented we must not continuously look back at the negative. We must move on. We must turn our focus from who we used to be to who we could be. I had become so focused on my sins that I felt that those defined me. I lost focus of who I could be. The day I completed my repentance one of the bishopric members hugged me and said, “ You are a lucky one because you understood the need for the repentance process and you were able to use it.” It wasn’t until that point that I fully understood repentance.  Repentance is one of the first principles of the gospel and is essential to our temporal and eternal happiness. We must change our mind and heart. When we repent we must turn away from sin and turn to God for forgiveness. The Lord declared in Alma 11:37 “And I say unto you again that he cannot save them in their sins; for I cannot deny his word, and he hath said that no unclean thing can inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore, how can ye be saved, except ye inherit the kingdom of heaven? Therefore, ye cannot be saved in your sins.” Our Heavenly Father has provided us a way to be forgiven of our sins. Jesus Christ suffered for our sins so that we can be forgiven if we sincerely repent. I want to repeat that last part of that because it is key, we can be forgiven if we sincerely repent. As you go through repenting it can be painful, but it leads to forgiveness. I love the promise we receive in Doctrine and Covenants 58:42, the Lord promised, “He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” The power of sin is great. Satan will do everything in his power to convince us that we are not worthy to go through the repentance process, that we as sinners are too far gone. In the Miracle of Forgiveness it is discussed that Christ’s death on the cross offers us exemption from the eternal punishment for most sins. That He took upon himself the punishment for the sins of the world, with the understanding that those who repent and come unto him will be forgiven of their sins and freed from punishment.

   In a talk from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf he says, “None of us is quite as Christ like as we know we should be. But we earnestly desire to overcome our faults and the tendency to sin. With our heart and soul we yearn to become better with the help of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If these are your desires, then regardless of your circumstances, your personal history, or the strength of your testimony, there is room for you in this Church.”  None of us are perfect and Heavenly Father knows this. That is the reason for His plan, but we must be willing to follow it. We must not put off repentance. In Alma 34:32-33 “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors. And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed.” All throughout the scriptures we hear cries of repentance and to not hold off. We never know when our time on Earth here is done and we should actively be trying to earn our presence with our Heavenly Father. 

  Returning back to my story it took me awhile to learn some of these lessons and I am by no means perfect, but I have been able to take advantage of the repentance process. I was able to feel my Heavenly Father’s love throughout it. I knew all along He wanted me to succeed. He wanted me to abandon sin and actively try to be more like Him. As I completed the repentance process I started working on making it to the temple. I wanted to give me husband what he had worked his whole life for. He had always wanted a temple marriage and now I wanted the same. The day I sat in my temple recommend interview one of the questions was, “Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord’s house and participate in temple ordinances?” For a moment I hesitated, but then I said a simple yes. For a moment memories rushed back to my mind and I remembered the scripture my Bishop had shared with me, I remembered that I had done what was asked of me and that my Heavenly Father remembered my sin no more and that I needed to do the same. While I remember the many lessons I learned all throughout I don’t focus on my sins or the negative feelings unless sharing them as I have today. I share to help others to understand that no matter how far gone you might think you are there is always hope. That day in the Bishop’s office I was able to say for the first time that I knew I was worthy to enter the temple and a few weeks later I was sealed to my husband for eternity. I learned a very important lesson during this. There is always a way back. Heavenly Father wants us to succeed in this life and find our way back to Him, but the choice is ours. He also provided us with our agency. Our agency to choose to keep sinning and never repent, but there are consequences maybe not in this life, but in the next. I encourage all those who need to repent to do so now. No matter how small or how big the sin, sin is sin in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.

  I have a testimony of repentance. I have used it and I know its powers. I know the Jesus felt all the pain I went through. I know that throughout the process I was never alone. He was always by my side. I know this is the true church and if we do the things that are asked of us we can return to live with our Heavenly Father. I know the plan can be found in the scriptures and heard from the Prophet and apostles here on Earth. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Sacrament Talk

Today I was asked to speak on Faith in Jesus Christ.  It was my faith that led me to speak today. A few weeks ago I was struggling spiritually when I received a prompting that I should pray for the opportunity to speak. I thought to myself no way, you are in no position to speak right now and so I ignored the prompt. I then received the prompting again, but this time it was slightly different. This time the prompting said pray for the opportunity to speak and ask your dad to come listen. As most of you know I am a convert and aside from my mother who converted six months after I did, the rest of my family are different denominations. I again thought this prompting was crazy, but I would love the opportunity for my dad to hear me speak and so I prayed. Two days later, Brother Garner showed up at my doorstep asking Clint and myself to speak. I gave him a hard time and told him he wasn’t allowed back to my house again, but now he knows the truth. I asked for this. As you can see today by the handsome man who came with us today that I did in fact follow the prompting and invited my dad. I was given what I feel to be the best topic for me to speak on while he is here to listen because this is one thing we have in common in our different denominations: our faith in Jesus Christ.

  The bible dictionary defines faith in many ways and a few things that stood out to me were that faith is a principle of action.  Also that faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true. In the Article of Faith number 4 it starts off saying,  “ We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are first, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” In order to have faith in Jesus Christ we must trust in Him completely. We must follow his teachings, trust in His power, and trust in His love.  It is because of Him that we can live with our Heavenly Father again.

  When I started investigating the church 5 years ago the easiest part for me to believe was that Jesus died for me. While I did not grasp how strong His love was I knew that He was crucified. What I have come to learn was that He not only died for me, but He had to pay for my sins. He had to feel all the pain I have felt in my life and every mistake I have made. In Matthew 27 verse 46 it says, “ And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”  The first time Clint read this scripture to me I started to cry and I didn’t quite understand it. When I asked him to explain it to me he said, it was basically Jesus asking why Heavenly Father had left Him there in those moments.  I have since read this scripture again and came to realize that I will never have to feel that way. I will never have to feel alone because Jesus is always there. He will never leave me. 

  In a talk from Elder Dallin H. Oaks he said, Faith must include trust. When we have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we must have trust in him. We must trust him enough that we are content to accept his will, knowing that he knows what is best for us.” I will admit that while I have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ I have recently had a hard time accepting that He knows what is best for me.  Recently, I was released from a calling I loved. I truly love the young women and I felt like I was making an impact. I will admit I was angry. My anger was aimed at many during the week, but last it was aimed at Him. I went thru many emotions and cried for two days. I was then given great advice that I needed to trust His plan. That maybe something would happen in my life and this was preparing me for that. This calling helped me build my testimony in the gospel and maybe someone else needed that opportunity. Whatever the reason I needed to trust in it. While crying to Clint one night I came to a realization I had asked for this, but I wasn’t prepared for the answer. A couple months ago I felt myself slipping away slowly.  I hadn’t read scriptures in a long time aside from when I had to prepare a lesson and I prayed every day, but I said the same prayer over and over. I hadn’t been to the temple in awhile. One night while talking to my dad, he said he was reading. He said he had a bad day and that reading would help. When I asked what he was reading he said the bible. After we hung up I thought to myself that I should be doing the same and so I tried. I again felt like I was reading as a routine and not to learn or find answers. So I decided to pray. I asked for guidance or help on what to do because I was so lost. I hadn’t told anyone that I was struggling spiritually not even Clint. I was trying so hard to work my way out of it alone. A few days after I prayed I was laying in bed when there was a knock at my door. A woman stood at my door and said, “ I know you don’t know me, but I came here to let you know that Heavenly Father is aware of your struggles.”  I immediately started to cry. This woman then said that she had attended the temple and throughout the session was receiving my name. Once she got home she looked up my name on LDS tools and found that I was in her stake. She then got my address and came to my home.   Because I had faith that he would hear my prayer I was able to feel His love for me thru someone else.  Soon after this incident it was my time to move on from young women’s and I still don’t know what the plan is, but I know He is trying to help me.  Jesus knew my struggles before I did. What I have come to realize is that I forgot one thing while serving Him. I stopped nourishing my own testimony. I wanted so badly to serve Him at my fullest capacity and help the young women find their testimonies that I began neglecting my own.  Going thru this was important because it taught me that I must always nourish my own testimony in Jesus Christ. I always felt like it was so strong that it was ok to miss scripture reading for a couple days, but then a couple days turned into a couple months. In Alma 32 verses 40 – 43 it says, “And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life. But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life. And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.”  What I have learned through this experience is we all must nourish our testimonies every day. Just as a tree will die without water our testimonies will weaken without constant nourishment.  We must keep our faith in Jesus Christ alive.  We must also trust in His plan and have an understanding that the answer we receive might not be something we like it is something we need.

     For those struggling with gaining faith in Jesus Christ I suggest going back to the basics and work on your testimony there. Our overall testimony can consist of individual testimonies of different principles of the gospel.   In the midst of my struggles I decided to try to go back to the basics and read about gaining a testimony. I chose a book by John Bytheway called How Do I know if I know? As most of you know I am a football fanatic so this example of how faith works really stuck out to me and made me see it in a simpler way.  John wrote, “ Former NFL quarterback Steve young compared the experience of gaining a testimony to adjusting to playing football in the NFL The game was so much faster than the college game that, instead of waiting to throw until he sad the open receiver, he learned he had to throw the ball with a little faith. He had to throw to where the receiver should be- in other words; he had to act before he knew. Steve Young said about this experience, “ I do believe. I believe because I practiced my faith first without knowing and then felt the answers in my heart. Over time this faith produced conviction that I know more than anything else in my life, seen or unseen. I have felt God, I savor His written word, I love and listen to His ordained prophets, and He speaks to my heart…All you have to do is start “throwing the ball without seeing” and that faith will develop until you know that our Father in Heaven and his Son Jesus Christ live and are our hope individually and the hope for the whole world. “ I love this example and it made it easy for me to understand. We must trust that the Lord will be there at all times. And just like the game of football when the receiver isn’t there to catch the ball, Jesus isn’t there to stop us from trials, but He is always out there with us.

  About a year into being a member I had a friend who is an atheist ask me how I could believe such nonsense and my reply was simple. I did not understand much about the gospel or the church doctrine, but I knew I had faith. I said to him you know maybe I am wrong in believing this, but what is the alternative to believe in nothing? I would rather spend my life serving others, trying to live a good life and believing in something then the alternative. He asked what the alternative would be and I said, “How would you feel if you tried to convince everyone you know that Jesus does not exist only to leave this Earth and find out that He does?”  His response was, “ I suppose your right.” I now have a much better understanding of the church and might respond differently, but I would have the same message. I have faith in Jesus and when I have to answer to Him at judgment day I will be able to say that I believed in Him. I was being prepared for this talk before the opportunity was even extended to me. I was reading the scriptures and I came across the story of Thomas or as some refer to him as Thomas the Doubter.  In John Chapter 20 verse 25 it says, “The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.” This scripture caught my attention as I questioned Clint about it. I said did the disciple of the Lord really not believe that He had returned?  He told me the story of Thomas and I read further. On Thursday evening I went to a play with a friend about the Savior’s birth and resurrection.  The spirit was strong at the play, but I hadn’t gotten emotional until the person playing Jesus walked on the stage all dressed in white. I knew what was coming. This was the part where He would question Thomas on his lack of faith. The conversation went like this, from John 20 verses 27-28 the Lord said, “Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands: and reach hiter thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.” And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God. Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet believed.”  This scripture is so powerful because I am sure at some point in many of our lives we have all played the part of Thomas the doubter.  We want solid proof that he is real and while some get answers where they can not deny like a vision in the grove not all of us do. The Lord communicates with us all in different ways. But if we just believe we will be blessed. The scriptures tell us this to be true. It is easy to see something and believe then believe it something we’ve never seen. But most of us are here today because we believe in Jesus Christ, but we need to remember to study him always and read about him so we may grow our faith in him.

 Brothers and Sisters my questions today are some you might ponder. How strong is your faith? Can you have enough faith without seeing Jesus Christ? How will you feel on judgment day when Jesus tells you the same words He spoke to Thomas on his lack of faith? I do not want to have that conversation with Him. I want Him to tell me that I have been blessed because I believed without seeing and I pray that you all want the same. 

 I know that my Savior lives. I know He died for me. He has felt all my trials and tribulations. He was crucified to pay for my sins so that I may live with my Heavenly Father again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Released

 In a talk given by Elder William R. Walker he stated, “… we need to graciously accept and acknowledge the inspiration that led to our release from a calling we loved.” Those words while correct are very hard to remember.  Last Sunday when I was told I was being extended a new calling, all I heard was you are being released. The most I had served the Lord in a calling was for 4 months and I did not get really attached. I have been in Young Womens for three years so this one was a lot harder on me. I was blindsided and angry, but I accepted my new calling.

   I went and sat in my room alone with a million questions running through my mind. Why now? My first thought was that I had failed the young women. While I had been in Young Womens for three years I had only been in the presidency for a year and I was the only one being released. I questioned everything I did wrong. I never once thought about the lives I had touched. The adversary had gotten to me that quickly. He had convinced me that I was a failure. I had failed Heavenly Father

  After my thoughts of failure and sadness (sorry to the Primary President who called me so excited I accepted the call and I broke down in tears) my emotion turned to anger. The anger came fast and full strength. I became mad at everyone around me and said hurtful things. I was irrational. The worst of my anger was reserved for one: Heavenly Father. I told Him that I was so angry with Him. That when I prayed for strength this is not what I meant. I love the young women so much and my calling is what kept me going to church. There were days the only reason I went because of those girls. It became my identity. I can’t even put into words how angry I was. My sweet husband listened to me cry for hours on Sunday and again on Monday. He read me scriptures and tried to convince me that this happened for a reason.

  After talking to a dear friend and telling her my thoughts (which I now see as irrational thoughts) she said maybe I was released because something was going to happen like maybe we would finally be able to start a family. This got me thinking and doing some soul searching. What I found next really surprised me. I knew I was struggling spiritually and I felt like my calling was what kept me going and I was so mad at Heavenly Father for taking that away from me ( I actually said that to Him).

  Here’s what I have realized, He did not take anything from me. He gave me a gift and that is time to focus on myself. I have been very open in the last couple months that I was struggling and shared a story of a sister from another ward coming to let me know He was aware of this struggle and that He loved me.  It was at this time that I felt like my prayers were being unanswered, but now I know He was prompting others to help me. He was prompting shifts in the church to make sure the girls would be taken care of in young womens.

  I put my heart and soul into my calling. I would not change anything I did and I know after much prayer that I did not fail. I did my calling and I served the Lord. I know He is proud of me for that. He just realized sooner than I did that I was so focused on helping others gain a testimony or even just to come to church that I started to lose my own. Our testimonies are like a plant that needs constant nourishment. We must water them daily to keep them alive and I have spent the last years watering others plants that I forgot to water my own.  I am sure that the more I serve the Lord the better I will be at balancing that. Lesson learned: we must still nourish our testimony while helping others do the same.

  To my young women, I love you so much. I don’t think you realize how much my heart aches for all that you face. Heavenly Father has saved you for this time because He knows that you are strong enough to endure it. As leaders we are no different from you, we have struggles also. They may not be the same, but we all face trials and temptations. We are all given the tools to overcome them. I will always remember my time as your leader and I will always love each and every one of you. You helped me grow as a person and you helped me learn how to serve my Savior.  The time comes when we must move on and my time is now. Heavenly Father knew my struggles and has provided opportunity to help me. Know that He hears your every prayer and while He doesn’t always answer in the way you are looking, He will answer. I never asked to be released I just asked for help at balancing all that I must do and to help me thru my struggles. This is His way and His decision.

  I have a testimony of Heavenly Father and His love. He loves each of us individually. He loves us so much that He sent His only begotten son. He provided us a way to live with Him again. We must do the things He has asked of us. Remember to always serve Him and pray unto Him.

Prayer: Make it Meaningful

Dear Heavenly Father thank you for my many blessings…    Lets try this again. Dear Heavenly Father thank you for the home you have provided me, for the loving family that I am able to speak with daily.  We all can find many blessings in our lives, but by thanking Heavenly Father with this broad term we can get ourselves into a prayer rut.

 Sadly, I have recently learned this. Satan has crept in and convinced me that the little things aren’t important. It is ok to skip scripture study for the day or to skip prayer.  I hated this feeling and I wanted to find out what I could do to change it. So I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me.  I kept getting this feeling that I needed to make my prayers more meaningful.  I felt that I was doing what was asked of me. I said morning and evening prayer every single day, but at the end of my prayer I didn’t feel much.

  What I have come to realize is we can get stuck in a rut. We can say our prayers out loud, but not really say them with meaning. Every day I prayer for my young women, but I never feel like I received guidance on how to help them. Once I broke down my prayers line by line I realized if I needed help with a young woman then I needed to pray for her by name or I pray for the youth to receive something specific. For example I pray that the young women will be able to feel the spirit today while at school and remain strong against temptation.  

  We all have been guilty at some point of saying prayers over and over again. When we pray at meal times we often say, “Please bless this food that it will strengthen and nourish our bodies.” How can we make this more meaningful. While we surely appreciate the meal that was prepared, did we really feel the Spirit during that prayer? While I do not have all the answers as I am still working on this myself. I wanted to share the thought that prayer is so incredibly important. It is how we speak to our Heavenly Father. We can’t speak to our spouse using the same terms and sentences daily while expecting to keep that relationship going. Our Heavenly Father is not much different. While He will always hear our prayers we need to feel the spirit when we say them. We need to ask and pray for specific things. If we want to keep our relationship open with Heavenly Father we need to be able to talk to Him freely and share the details of what we need. I have a strong testimony of prayer. I know that He hears us and wants to help us. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Don't be so hard on yourself

Wow I am the biggest slacker. I haven't blogged in forever. It was my goal to at least do it once a month and I have failed at that so here I am trying it again. 
       

  Someone recently said to me that we are own worst critics. Wow, isn't that the truth? I started to think about this a lot and as much as I want to be thinner and fit I still need to learn to love myself as I am. I need to learn to love myself as my Heavenly Father loves me. He has loved me when I was my heaviest and when I was at my lightest. So how do we ensure that we can be happy no matter how we are? 

  Our health is so important to so many aspects of our life. It affects our personal well-being, our personal interactions, our approach to how we do our work, but most importantly it affects how we serve our Heavenly Father. If we are unable to care for ourselves it is far more difficult to serve others. In Doctrine and Covenants 88:124 it states, Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated."  We are commanded to not be idle that we must ensure we are taking care of our body, our temple. The adversary knows he will not receive a body and in turn wants us to misuse ours. He convinces us to not love ourselves and to not appreciate this gift. We must learn how to love ourselves and be willing to take care of it.

  I didn't take care of myself for a long period of time and it made me so unhappy. No matter how many times my husband told me I was beautiful I couldn't believe it. I am working hard to take care of myself and although I now think I am beautiful no matter what I have learned that I still need to work daily to care for myself. By doing this I can in turn serve others better as well as serve my Heavenly Father better. Brigham Young said it best when he said, "If you have a bad thought about yourself, tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from."

Our Story

Her Story:

 My divorce was finalized and it was my first time ever attending a single adult ward. I had no idea what to expect, but I was nervous. I was a new convert who had already fallen away from the church for a short time, who was recently divorced, and 26 years old. Was this where I belonged? At that moment I thought about turning around and running the other way. I went in to find a seat when a girl with a bright smile came up to me and introduced herself and asked who I was. We talked for a moment and she asked if I would like to come to an activity on Friday. I was hesitant, but I agreed to go. She said that she would not be there until late, but she would be sending some friends to pick me up. I gave her my information and that was that. I found my seat and enjoyed my first Sunday in the Single’s Ward.

  When Friday came around I was nervous. I dressed up in my best western clothes (it was a western theme) and a girl knocked on my door. I went with her and two of her guy friends. It was easy to talk to them and become friends. It was amazing to me how open they were to being my friend even though we had never met. We went to this event at the barn and ate dinner. We then watched the Pie eating contest in which the two guys said to cheer for their roommate. So we clapped loudly for their roommate as he inhaled his pie and won first place in the contest. We continued our evening as it was winding down we were asked to take some chairs back to church. As we were putting the chairs away I walked past the roommate who had just won the contest and he muttered something about it being cold to which I smiled and continued walking.  My new friends invited me to come hang out at their house and watch a movie. We went to a large house where I was informed that these two guys plus three more lived. We went downstairs and started to watch America’s Most Funniest Videos. My friend sitting next to me pointed at each person and told me who they were. She gave me a brief story of them all and then she got to the two guys on the end of the couch who were jokingly cuddling under a blanket. She pointed at the pie eating contest winner and said, “That is Clint, but he doesn’t talk much to girls.”

 Fast forward a couple of weeks to church I had brought some old friends with me. We were sitting at Linger Longer (dinner after church) when she pointed at the contest winner and said that boy in the striped sweater is cute to which I stated, “Don’t bother apparently he doesn’t talk to girls.” Later that evening I was invited back to the house to watch a movie. When I arrived there were couches on cinder blocks to make stadium seating and a sheet with projector on the wall. We all took our seats for the movie. Right near me was the contest, sweater wearing guy who had yet to utter a word to me. We watched the movie and as it ended I said something to him. We then started to talk. I don’t remember much of what was said other than he asked me if I would go camping with him and I explained it was winter. He then informed me we could go in an igloo.  We talked for a couple hours and at about 2 am he stated he needed to go to bed. He got up said good night and left. I sat there wondering if he was interested or not, but then went to find my friends to leave. The next evening was Family Home Evening (in the single’s ward we do this at the church). I walked in and looked around to see my friends had not yet arrived, but I did make eye contact with Clint. I had to step out to take a phone call from work and as I was on the phone I watched Clint walk up and down the hall way looking around. My new friends were bringing a guy to introduce me to so I was so preoccupied at that moment. I got my dessert and then went to sit by the only familiar face I knew and that was Clint. We started to talk and eventually my friends showed up with the guy they wanted me to date. They introduced us and I said hello then turned back around to Clint. This poor guy was invisible to me because I had already found someone who had my interest.

  Clint finally asked for my phone number and he invited me to come hang out for a while. We hung out and talked some more. I then invited him to watch a movie with me. That was my last day alone. We have been inseparable ever since. I was so nervous getting in to a relationship. I was recently divorced and also dealing with a very traumatic relationship that I still wasn’t fully done dealing with. It was only about a week into dating Clint that we were sitting there and I told him I had something to tell him. I laid it on the line. I told him about my divorce and about this other relationship. I told him who it was with and all the events leading up to it. Bad decisions I made and how I was currently repenting for all my mistakes. I told him that if he was looking to getting married in the temple that was not something I was able to do anytime soon because I was going thru the repentance process. He looked at me and said, “We all make mistakes.” He accepted my trials and we continued dating. Dating Clint was so easy. He was such a gentleman and my friends adored him as much as I did. I adored his family and could see why he was so loving. They welcomed me in to their home with open arms.  He was a light in my life that was full of so much darkness. He completed me.

  Marriage was a topic that came up quickly. We looked at rings. He showed me what he liked (they were horrific) and I showed him what I liked. When he told me he would design it himself I was super nervous. It was a cold day in January and I had a crazy day at work (I was a manager of a hair salon). We had plans to go on a date to Tucanos, but I was exhausted and canceled. As it got closer to dinner time I decided I would go. We went to dinner and he then suggested we go walk around temple to see the progress as it was being rebuilt. We walked around and as we arrived to the gate of the temple he got down and one knee and said that one day he wanted to take me to be sealed in the temple. He then asked me to marry him. I then said I had to go look at the ring first since it was dark, but then I said yes. (Yes I love to ruin serious moments with my humor that is how I cope so I don’t cry) I knew that my answer was always yes. Clint was and still is a man of God. He displays so many Christ-like attributes. Often times I do not feel worthy of a man like him. He truly was a gift sent to me from my Heavenly Father.

  His Story: 

When I first met Dani I noticed that she was quiet and not much of a talker.  She spent most of the night with a few other young women from the ward who we're showing her around and introducing her to the guys in the ward, most of them my roommates.  I did not have much of an impression the first time because it was mostly saying hi and that was it. I do remember thinking she was really cute and that I wanted to get to know her a little more.

The next Sunday I remember seeing her come and hang out with my roommates and it gave me a reason to come and be a bit social. That night I invited her to go camping (in November) which she thought was too cold, so I suggested that we go and build some igloos. I was only half serious about it, I would build an igloo just to do it but wasn't really expecting her to go along with it, pretty much everyone isn't adventurous enough to try it out.

After seeing Dani at church and at the singles ward FHE I built up some courage and invited her to come hang out at Buffalo Wild Wings and asked for her number. All I can remember of that FHE was that I was happy and had a good time hanging out with Dani. Afterwards we also went to play some games that night where Breann was trying to get Dani to meet another guy who was interested in her. Luckily they didn't hit it off that well:) we played some game that I don't remember the name of, but at one point it had to do with chemistry and having two teams going back and forth in trying to name all the elements from the periodic table. I and the other team went back and forth for several rounds picking easy ones and then I threw out californium. They all thought I was making that one up until I blurted out out, "it's number 98 on the periodic table!"  They gave up and let me have that round. Dani picked up I'm a pretty big nerd real fast.

The next time hanging out with Dani we went to Buffalo Wild Wings with a group of friends where we ended up ignoring everyone else and got to know a little about each other. After everyone else thought 11 was late enough and went home,Dani and I rented two movies and decided to go watch those at her place instead.

The next day was the Wednesday before thanksgiving and was feeling really tired so I called in sick and then went over and hung out with Dani. I had made plans to drive to Utah for that weekend but instead I stayed with Dani and we had little Caesars pizza instead. It was one of my best Thanksgivings I remember.

We dated for a few more weeks and I invited her to come with me to Utah and meet my family for Christmas. Once we got there she fit right in and the family loved her. Because it was so short notice there was no presents for Dani so my mom took some scrap book pictures of mine and quickly put together a collage to give her,which still hangs In our bedroom.

We made two trips to take pictures first at Oquirrh Mountain and then at Temple square.  I remember how happy and excited we were to be there and we already were talking of wanting to get married In the temple. Two months later I took her to the Boise temple and proposed to Dani which was very daunting experience, but being in love it was the next step for us. I know Dani is who I belong with and that we are a perfect fit. I love her just as much now as I ever have and know that she is the biggest blessing in my life.

Our Story:
   So that is our story of how we met. It was simple, quick and sweet. We strive to be better every day, we accept each others short comings, we center our lives on the gospel and that helps to make our marriage strong. We work at it every day. We still date and we laugh. We act like we are kids at times and then snap back in to real life. We have struggles and trials just like every one else, but we love each other unconditionally. We are eternal companions and we made those covenants two years ago( our anniversary is this week).

                                                           Our first photo together