Make Your Marriage Eternal

"Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him." - Elder L. Whitney Clayton

  As we have approached our second marriage anniversary I thought the best blog post I could share would be about the sanctity of marriage. We are commanded to be married in the Holy Temple in order to obtain entrance to the Celestial Kingdom. In Doctrine and Covenants 131:1-3 it states, "In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it."

  We must remember to keep our covenants that we make in the temple. Just because couples are sealed in the temple does not suddenly mean their work is done. We must work every day to ensure our temple marriage stays an eternal marriage. Marriage is sacred and we should treat it as such. We care so much for our prized possessions and try so hard to keep them in the best shape we can. Why is it that we can do this for possessions yet have such a difficult time doing the same for our marriages? I once listened to someone bear his testimony about eternal marriage and he stated his wife was his key to the celestial kingdom. At the time it did not make much sense to me, but the more I learn about eternal marriage the more I fully believe this statement. Our spouse is our key to the celestial kingdom as we can not obtain that glory without them.

 There are so many things in today's world that try to distract us from keeping our marriage eternal. It is our job to help keep the sanctity of marriage alive. If we treat marriage like it is nothing important then that is exactly what it will become. Many people treat marriage like it is not important and that its acceptable to never marry, but I have knowledge that having an eternal companion will bring eternal happiness. Heavenly Father has give us the Plan of Salvation so that we may be with our families again. But we must remain worthy of these promises. We must treat marriage sacred. We must show Heavenly Father that we are grateful for what He has given us. We can do this by working at our marriages every day. Marriage is not easy, but it is possible. We will face trials, but we have two choices: Let those trials tear you and your spouse apart or let the adversary know he has no affect on you and work thru any issues together.  Work at your marriage every day, communicate every day, read scriptures, pray, attend church, and love each other. Put each other first and everything else will fall in place. If you are doing the things asked of Heavenly Father it is much harder for the adversary to get in and do damage to your marriage.

  I have a testimony of eternal marriage. I know that we must treat it differently. I know that we must love our spouse no matter what. We must pray for them and accept their imperfections. We must be willing to compromise and work thru our differences. I know that if we allow Heavenly Father to be the center of our marriage that we can overcome anything. This I say in the name of Jesus Christ.

I Just Want to Love You

  "What do you think about yourself?" was the question that was recently posed to me. Instead of replying I love myself or I love what I see my sentence was negative. Well I wish I could lose weight, have perfect skin, better clothes or be like I used too. I try my hardest to let people think I have self esteem and that I love what I see, but in reality that is a lie.

  Five years ago I had so much self esteem and I felt beautiful. Things change and people enter your life that make you question something you once believed. I used to have tons of friends that I spent every day with and a happy marriage, but things change. I was then in a bad relationship where I was literally told I was fat, I was ugly; no one would ever want me. I had always pinpointed that relationship as the time as I lost all my self esteem, but I have recently realized that the seed was planted long before.

   When I joined the church many of my friends did not agree with my decision and soon stopped talking to me. I acted as if it did not bother me and moved on. My happy marriage was now one of ignoring each other and not touching each other for weeks.  When I was asked recently how those situations made me feel I simply stated, " I always ponder why I was never enough." Why wasn't I seen as a good enough friend to make my friendships last a lifetime or why wasn't I enough to just give me some attention?"

  Moving past the mean words that were spoken to me was difficult, but forgetting all my friends who have left my life and forgetting how a marriage falling apart made me feel is just as difficult. My husband now compliments me all the time and treats me in a way I don't think I deserve, but the thing is that I do deserve it. That is what I need to learn to accept. I need to see myself and accept myself that way my husband does and even more so how Heavenly Father does.

  Heavenly Father has made each and everyone of us. He has given us every hair on our head and He sees our true beauty. The world has us convinced that our self esteem weighs on how we compare to others. We are unique and Heavenly Father made us that way. We must remember that although there might be something we are unhappy about that Heavenly Father gave us that feature for a reason. He knows we can do something amazing in this life and has entrusted us with these bodies. We must always protect them and love them no matter what anyone says.

  I know that Heavenly Father loves us and wants the best for us. We must always be humble, but love ourselves. We must be the light for others so that they may come unto Christ.

Forgiveness

 There Are times when I hear a lesson and I feel as if it was written directly for me. Today in Young Women's I had this very thought, the subject: forgiveness. Forgiveness seems like a simply task in most situations, but what happens when we must forgive someone who has hurt us and changed our lives? Most of all how do we forgive ourselves?

  Two and a half years ago I was in a situation and I by no means was the only victim. I was hurt emotionally and physically, but I hurt that person as well in other ways. I made the decision to walk away from the situation after enduring the pain for months. The situation left me alone and broken. I knew I had to ask Heavenly Father for forgiveness, but I wasn't ready.

Today I look in the mirror and I do not like what I see. It is interesting to say that out loud, but it is life. I first want to be honest where my train of thought has come from. Two and a half years ago my life was completely different, but I went thru some very traumatic things that have greatly impacted my life. As I have moved past that time there are some things that still linger in my life.

   Imagine being told you're ugly, you're fat, no one will ever want you and so many other things far worse than this. Now imagine having to erase those things and remember that you are a daughter of Heavenly Father. You are perfect in His eyes. How do you see yourself the way He sees you? I am trying hard to learn this and I am still struggling with it two years later. I so badly want to see myself the way He does. I want to be the wife my husband deserves and I feel as if I am not. Every day is a struggle and I don't want it to be anymore. I am emotional and spiritually exhausted.

 After the traumatic situation I went thru I started showing tendencies of post traumatic stress syndrome. Although I am not nearly as bad as most cases it does affect my life. I am controlling and obsessive. I obsess over silly things, but in the moment I convince myself it is the most important thing. I clean non stop, clutter makes me anxious, things not being in the right order, etc. It started to control my life. Every time I felt like I was losing control then I would try harder to control other things. This situation was made worse by the fact that we've been trying to start a family for over a year and a half with no luck. Again something I can't control and my lack of ability to control has made the situation a lot harder.

Two and a half years ago I lost all control. I had given all the control to someone who did not deserve it. I let someone control every aspect of my life, how I dressed, what I ate, how I talked, and so much more. My life was quickly changing and I didn't know how to stop it. I was torn down to nothing. I was emotionally and physically abused by someone who meant the world to me. Aside from a few people I have never shared that with, but as I am dealing with the anxiety it has caused I've had to readdress it. I had pushed it to the back of my mind as much as I could and hoped it would go away. I never forgave myself for the part I played nor did I forgive the person. Forgiveness is a powerful thing and we must forgive everyone. I can't ever forget what happened, but I can forgive the person.

The problem I face today is that although I thought I had forgiven this person and myself. The truth is I had not. I harbored feelings for the past two and half years. I've been thru many stages: anger, sadness, loss, depression. We both had told each other we forgave the other, but those were just words. In my heart I truly had not forgiven. I was and am still angry. Angry that someone who was supposed to protect me and be a worthy man treated me like I was nothing. I have lost my self-esteem and I want it back. It will take time, so now I face the hard part of this whole trial. I have to readdress the issue and forgive myself and the person. I need to do this so I can really move on. A year ago I wrote tons in my journal about forgiveness. Here's an excerpt, I first shared a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants 64:9-10, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. " Here were my thoughts that day as I read that scripture, "Forgiving is a commandment from God. How do I learn to forgive, but also remember all I've learned from the situation? I myself need to be forgiven, but there is much I must forgive and move on. Forgiveness is better than revenge: for forgiveness is the sign of a gentle nature. When we refuse to forgive we accomplish nothing. We inhibit our spiritual progress.

I am not expert on forgiveness and although I am struggling with learning how to do so I have a strong testimony of it. I have a testimony that we need to forgive to truly move on. If we do not forgive, then we can not experience true happiness. How can we expect Heavenly Father to forgive us and then refuse it ourselves? The adversary will convince you that you don't need to forgive or be forgiven, but Heavenly Father has commanded us so we must go and do.