I Just Want to Love You

  "What do you think about yourself?" was the question that was recently posed to me. Instead of replying I love myself or I love what I see my sentence was negative. Well I wish I could lose weight, have perfect skin, better clothes or be like I used too. I try my hardest to let people think I have self esteem and that I love what I see, but in reality that is a lie.

  Five years ago I had so much self esteem and I felt beautiful. Things change and people enter your life that make you question something you once believed. I used to have tons of friends that I spent every day with and a happy marriage, but things change. I was then in a bad relationship where I was literally told I was fat, I was ugly; no one would ever want me. I had always pinpointed that relationship as the time as I lost all my self esteem, but I have recently realized that the seed was planted long before.

   When I joined the church many of my friends did not agree with my decision and soon stopped talking to me. I acted as if it did not bother me and moved on. My happy marriage was now one of ignoring each other and not touching each other for weeks.  When I was asked recently how those situations made me feel I simply stated, " I always ponder why I was never enough." Why wasn't I seen as a good enough friend to make my friendships last a lifetime or why wasn't I enough to just give me some attention?"

  Moving past the mean words that were spoken to me was difficult, but forgetting all my friends who have left my life and forgetting how a marriage falling apart made me feel is just as difficult. My husband now compliments me all the time and treats me in a way I don't think I deserve, but the thing is that I do deserve it. That is what I need to learn to accept. I need to see myself and accept myself that way my husband does and even more so how Heavenly Father does.

  Heavenly Father has made each and everyone of us. He has given us every hair on our head and He sees our true beauty. The world has us convinced that our self esteem weighs on how we compare to others. We are unique and Heavenly Father made us that way. We must remember that although there might be something we are unhappy about that Heavenly Father gave us that feature for a reason. He knows we can do something amazing in this life and has entrusted us with these bodies. We must always protect them and love them no matter what anyone says.

  I know that Heavenly Father loves us and wants the best for us. We must always be humble, but love ourselves. We must be the light for others so that they may come unto Christ.