Be an example

   Be a good example…sounds easy enough right? In the world today there is so much temptation that we must stand our ground. As Latter Day Saints we live by much different standards than most the world. As a convert I still have people in my life that are not members and it is my part as a Latter Day Saint to be that example. How would it appear if I did not live the standards of my religion?

    It was not an easy task to start living the standards that are asked by our Heavenly Father, but they blessings are worth far more than a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a one night stand, or dressing immodestly.  When presenting my beliefs it is much easier to say that I believe this church is true and I believe so much that I live by all the standards. We are not perfect, but we should always strive to be better. We must be a little better every day.

   When I first started investigating the church the missionaries were sent to my home because I questioned a member on why she followed the Word of Wisdom. When I would have parties at my house for my birthday that involved activities the church does not approve of she would stop by to show support as a friend, but then quickly leave. She was living the standards of the church and I often questioned why she did. After many times of asking she said that I should ask the missionaries and so I did. No one really gave me an answer other than it’s what we are told and it’s what we do. I laughed at this idea.  I wondered why anyone would live certain standards yet have no defined reasons why. Quickly I believed Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, but I could not grasp onto all the “rules” the missionaries said I must follow if I was baptized. I took the lessons and read the Book of Mormon, but continued living my life how I always had been.

    

    One day it all clicked to me that what these Mormons were doing was acting on faith. They believed that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and they followed his teachings.  I realized that if I believed in Joseph Smith I had to accept the standards and live by them even if I truly did not understand them. This is exactly what I did. I wanted to believe so I had my last drink of alcohol, my last cup of coffee, wore my last tank top and small shorts. I embraced the standards and it has been over two years since I have done any of these things.  I am not saying that I have lived the standards 100 percent all the time, but there are some that I have not wavered from.  

 

    I was so incredibly happy the first time someone said to me, “I knew by the way you lived that you were a Mormon.” This statement meant so much to me that because I lived a certain way someone recognized this. I had become a great example just like my friend had been to me.  I have been in the situation where it would have been easier to just do what everyone else was doing, but I did not. I stood my ground and lived the standards that I know bless your life. 

    I say to those who struggle to live the standards that if you get your life on the right path your life will be blessed. Be an example to your friends and to your family.  People are more likely to be interested in the gospel if you are interested.  Be interested in the standards you live so that when people meet you that they know you are a Latter Day Saints. Don’t be afraid to show it and live it. This gospel has blessed my life in so many ways. It is my happiness, my pure happiness. I want to share it with everyone and I want people to ask why I live by certain standards so that I can say, “Let me tell you about the Book of Mormon.” The best way to be a missionary is to live the standards and be a good example.

Be 100% Converted

As I was sitting here thinking about things I thought to myself that I had never explained why I picked whollyconverted as the title of my blog. I tried many titles, but none of them were available so I decided on this. The reason I picked the word wholly  is because it is defined as to the full or entire extent. I have mentioned in previous posts about struggles I have came to in my life, but I want to discuss the spiritual side of that.

I took the lessons for over a year and I read the Book of Mormon. I knelt in prayer to see if it was true just as instructed in Moroni 10: 3-5 "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." 

  I felt as if I had done all this and so I agreed to be baptized. I prayed about it and I had a dream of being baptized so I scheduled my baptism. I was baptized and given the Holy Ghost on April 23, 2011. I went to church every Sunday, continued to read the scriptures, participated in Family Home Evening, and much more. By the church standards I was doing what I was supposed to, but what no one knew was I had no testimony. I believed in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but did I really fully believe the Book of Mormon as another testament of Jesus Christ? Did I really think Joseph Smith restored the church to this Earth? No I did not. 

  In July of 2011 I slowly started to pull away from my husband at the time and the children he had from a previous marriage. I would stay out all night with friends and avoided being at home. While I have said I didn't get the feeling that I should be sealed I honestly did have that feeling. However, I would not say I fully believe that if sealed we would be living this life after. In August of 2011 I left my marriage and went out on my own. I stopped going to church altogether and started making decisions that affected my life as well as many others. I was in a downward spiral and I was taking others with me. It wasn't until October that a friend pushed me to go talk to the Bishop. A Bishop I hadn't seen or talked to in months, but I had nothing to lose so I went. 

  I can't really pin point the change, but what I can tell you is the reason I fell away so quickly after being baptized is because I wasn't full converted. I was partially converted. I was converted externally where others could see me, but deep in my heart I was not. I truly believe you must be converted 100 percent in your heart or it is so easy to let Satan in. Satan might only control 1%, but with that 1% he can win. I recently heard someone pose the question if you can be baptized too early and that's what had me thinking. Everything is on Heavenly Father's time and I know that it was all part of my test. I believe with my whole heart that I was baptized at the right time and maybe I failed that small test that was given to me, but I have passed the bigger one. I have returned to the Gospel and I live the standards externally and internally. I know without a doubt that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that Joseph Smith restored this church. 

  I say to those who live life on the edge to plant your feet firmly in the ground. Follow all of the standards not just some. Be converted internally and with a pure heart. If you give Satan a little he will find a way to take a lot. I know if you center your life around the Gospel and do what is asked such as prayer, scripture study, home/visiting teaching, Family Home evening, go to church, keep the Sabbath day holy, and follow the Word of Wisdom as well as Law of Chastity then you will not give Satan much room to get in. I have a testimony of this church and I know it is the true Gospel. I know wholeheartedly that my Heavenly Father loves me and is proud of what I have become.

"It's A Jungle Out There..."

It's late and I am exhausted, but I have so much on my mind so I thought now is the best time to share it. I returned today from my first ever Girl's Camp.  It was an amazing experience. I feel as if I feel the Spirit often, but it is a totally different experience to feel the Spirit for many days straight. I witnessed many amazing things and although it was tough I wouldn't trade it for anything.
 
 When we got to Girl's camp it was raining and cold. We weren't exactly prepared for this, but we continued with our work. We decorated our cabins and prepared camp for the girls' arrival. When the buses pulled up it was still raining, but when they started to get off the bus for the opening flag ceremony it stopped raining enough to complete the ceremony. When I witnessed this I knew it would be full of things like this.
 
  We jumped right in to things and started the day. We were able to witness a flag be retired and this is something I have never seen. We listened to many quotes about the flag, many songs about our beautiful country, and then Brother Randy Hyer played Taps as the flag moved over the fire and was burned. While I watched this I couldn't help, but think of the friends of my father who gave up their lives for this country. It was a very emotional time.

 Most of these girls get to wear three white dresses in their lives and although I have only worn one of them I know the importance. Your blessing dress, your baptismal dress, and your temple/wedding dress.  This was the most emotional part for me. We listened to men of the Priesthood tell the girls why they picked their wives and it was so amazing. Nothing made me feel the Spirit more than we sang all together the theme song, "Stand In Holy Places."

  On Friday it was hike day and we decided to go on the most difficult hike. It was straight up the mountain. It was difficult, but my friends kept reminding me that we can do hard things. Brother Hyer was with us on this hike and he was my hero. I had a very hard time and he carried my bag for me which made it much easier. He also helped me down the mountain. Soon after we returned I started to get a migraine. It quickly became the worst migraine I have ever had. I was throwing  up and in tears. I then asked Brother Hyer if he would give me a blessing. I went along with him and President Hughes in the wooded area where I received a blessing. A blessing that I know was from my Heavenly Father. While I was receiving this blessing I was in tears because the things that were said were so personal and they were things these men did not know. I know that my Heavenly Father blessed me and when I walked back out of the wooded area my pain was gone. These men are men of God. I am a witness of that. 

  My testimony grew so much over this week. Listening to our young women bear their testimonies helped make mine stronger. I am so thankful my Heavenly Father gave me this calling and trusted me to be a part of these young women's lives. I love the people I serve with. I truly know they were called by Heavenly Father. I am glad to call them friends. I am on a spiritual high and I hope it continues so I can help progress Heavenly Father's work.

Can we fully be mended?

As I have started this blog and shared my story with more people it made me look back on my life. Although I am not proud of many of the decisions I have made I know they have made me who I am today. I fully believe it was those poor decisions and being able to use the Atonement that has strengthened my testimony. It is not an easy task by any means to accept that you have done wrong and repent, but we all must do just that. We can never fully comprehend how much our Savior suffered for us, but we can show our thanks by taking advantage of us. None of us are perfect, but we should strive to be. We must be a little better every day. I have met many people that seem to think Latter Day Saints think they are perfect or that we don't face trials and temptations. I am here to tell you that is so far from the truth. You can let your problems define who you are and shape your life or you can try to find a way out. We all come from different backgrounds whether that be from a  financially unstable family or a family with no financial issues. I guarantee you each and every family is struggling with something in their lives. Satan is in our lives to pull us away from our Heavenly Father and to make us think we aren't deserving of using the Atonement. I know that the Atonement is for EVERYONE!
   There was a time in my life when I felt lonely. I felt like no one was there and I cried myself to sleep every night. I had fallen away from the church and I felt as lonely as I ever had in my entire life. I couldn't feel the Spirit in my life. Satan had gotten to me and convinced be that I was not worthy. There were days I often felt like it would be easier to just depart from this world and be done with my test. Honestly there were few things that kept me here. As painful  as things were in my life it wasn't fair to my mom and dad. What would my mom tell Isaac my baby brother about his older sister if  he had grow up without me? It was never an option no matter how much I felt like it would be easier.  I say to you to remember this: You are never alone. Our Heavenly Father is always with us and you are always on his mind. If you allow Him to be in your life He will comfort you. The day I talked to my Bishop about my life was the day I felt that I wasn't really alone. My Heavenly Father had kept me going every day.
  I returned to church and met people who helped strengthen me and many of them did not know the trials I was facing. They probably do not even know that their willingness to be my friend helped me out of the darkness I was in. I had avoided the single's ward because I wasn't sure I would get anything from it, but I knew it was where Heavenly Father wanted me to be. Those friends were the reason I needed to be there because He knew they would help me be strengthened. When I met my husband Clint  my life was a mess. I had no intentions in dating anyone until I could get my life back on track, but Heavenly Father had a different plan. He gave me my eternal companion and although I didn't feel ready I quickly realized I needed to get ready. He helped me out of the darkness and when he accepted everything that was going on in my life I knew Heavenly Father could as well.
   I have a testimony that if you give yourself to your Heavenly Father that He can truly make mend you. He has mended me and He has blessed my life in so many ways. I would never turn away from this gospel again and that is a gift He gave me. If you are lonely: Pray. If you are poor in spirit: Pray. If you are broken: Pray. Do not let your trials define who you are. You are a child of God and your Heavenly Father loves you. You just need to talk to him. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Ten percent?!

   I made it a personal goal to blog about once a week and what better time then when I get home from church and feel most spiritually lifted in the whole week. I had a tough time thinking of what I wanted to discuss because the Lord's work and blessings in my life are numerous.  I got a strong feeling that I should talk about something many people struggle with. I am sure I received this feeling because there are people in my life that don't understand it or really struggle with this. Tithing is not an easy commandment to follow however the blessings can be unbelievable.

   A question I often receive is "Isn't it difficult to give money you work hard for to the church?" I must say when I first joined the church I often asked myself that. Ten percent is a lot of money from my income when I hardly made any money. The bills kept coming in, but only the same amount of money. The first thing I had to learn was to not put my heart on things of this world. Even today I still struggle with this because isn't it great to have a brand new car and the newest cell phones. By paying tithing and learning it's importance we learn to control our desires.

   There are months when we write down our bills and the numbers do not add up to what we need. I write the check every week and hand it over to the church. I don't second guess it anymore. I just do it because that is what I am told to do. A few months back I had no idea how I was going to pay tithing and I didn't even know how we would pay certain bills, but I got on my knees and prayed about it. When we received a check the next day for some overpayment of something it was more than enough to pay our tithing and bills. There have been months when on paper it says we won't have enough money, but we always paying our tithing first and it always works out. I do not know how the numbers suddenly work out, but they do.

  In Malachi 3:10 the Lord has said, “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." I ponder often to myself how would I feel if I stood before my Heavenly Father and Jesus and said to them " I am sorry I didn't pay my tithing to help the progress of the gospel because I really wanted that new cell phone." I want to stand before my Heavenly Father and be able to say, " I paid my tithing and trusted you would bless me. I paid it on faith that all would work out. I didn't have a lot of the newest things, but I lived within my means and received many blessings." So I ask you to look at your life now and ask yourselves if you were standing in front of our Heavenly Father today and he asked if you followed the law of tithing what would you say? I want to be able to tell my Heavenly Father I gave him what was asked of me.

  I have a strong testimony of the law of tithing. I know that if we pay our ten percent to the church we will be blessed. We will help the gospel reach others and be able to build more temples so our members can simply drive to the temple instead of having to plan for years to attend one. This gospel is my life and if it wasn't for people paying their tithing chances are I might not have received the gospel yet. I want the Lord's work to continue and touch so many lives like it has touched mine. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

This Is me

   I have been very interested in others spiritual blogs that I thought I would turn mine in to something more of that type. I have a lot of thoughts and as many cool journals as I have bought I just don't keep up. So I have decided to give this a try.

   When I think of my life three years ago it was nothing like it is today. When people hear I am Mormon they are always shocked. It is hard to know how to feel about that. I lived a life I am not proud of however it has given me experiences and made me who I am today. It also has lead me to where I am. My life without the gospel was one full of sin and misery. I can honestly say that sin leads to nothing, but misery. I didn't quite see it then as clear as I do now.

   When I met the missionaries I would not even say I believed in God. As I started to investigate the church I was very hesitant about taking the lessons. I had met many sets of missionaries and it wasn't until I met some in which I had a connection with that I started to take the lessons seriously. After learning more about the church I prayed about it. That night I had a dream so vivid it felt real. In the dream I was being baptized by Elder Redpath, a missionary who had recently transferred out of the area. The next day when he showed up at my house with the missionaries who were serving in the area I knew this was my answer. He happened to be there for the day due to meetings and so I scheduled my baptism. I was baptized a few weeks later with John my husband at the time. I mention this because I think it is important to lead me to where I am now. I was baptized and received the Holy Ghost.

     I would love to say that after this day I was a changed person and I was a new me. Being perfectly honest it did not last long. I had given up everything at once. Alcohol which I drank on a daily basis (a glass of wine or two an evening), multiple cups of coffee a day, cussing, not keeping the Sabbath day holy, and suddenly giving ten percent of my income to the church. One of these things is hard enough, but to do them all wasn't simple. I wanted to have a testimony so bad, but I just didn't. I loved the idea of the church, but I wasn't fully committed. This is the first time I have actually admitted that and it sounds so weird to me to say, but it is the truth. I should mention that although I wasn't fully committed I have not touched coffee or alcohol since I was baptized. After a few months I started learning more about the Plan of Salvation and when I say this I don't mean to hurt anyone, but its how I felt. When I learned about being sealed for time and eternity I started to question my marriage. John and I never fought and we got along well enough. He is a dear friend to me and still is to this day, but when I thought about being sealed to him I didn't get the feelings that I should. Maybe it was the adversary trying to get me to believe family is not important. I really don't know why I had the feelings, but I did. I started to pull away from my family. I started staying out with friends all hours of the night and ultimately making decisions that I can never go back on. When I decided to move on from this marriage it was not an easy one. I didn't have much support on this decision, but I moved out and on my own. At this point I felt lost. I didn't want to go to a family ward, but I felt I was too old for a singles ward so I stopped attending church. I started making horrible decisions and soon fell so far away from the church that I didn't think I could ever go back. I was in a life full of misery and I didn't think I could  get out of the despair. As a result of all my horrible choices I had to move in with my grandmother.

     One day I had enough. I did not want to live anymore and that is a feeling I never want to feel again. I called my friend and told her everything that I had done. She was the same friend who introduced me to the church and she told me to go to my Bishop. Since I had bounced around from houses I did not know my Bishop so I asked my old Bishop to meet with me. I told him everything and I immediately started to feel better. He suggested I go back to church so I decided to do so. I arranged to go with some friends to the local singles ward. On my first Sunday I had a girl introduce herself to me and invite me to an activity. I was hesitant, but I did not have many friends so I agreed to go. The following week I got picked up by people I had never met and we went to an old barn for an event for singles over 25. I instantly felt a connection with one of the girls like we had known each other forever....I am pretty sure we were friends in the pre mortal world. I started to spend time with her and her friends when I met a nice young man. On our first conversation he asked if I'd like to go camping (keep in mind this is in November). I explained it was too cold so he suggested an igloo. He was like no one I had ever met for more than one reason.

    Clint was so easy to fall in love with and it happened so much faster than I thought. I had just legally gotten a divorce and was not looking for anything serious, but when it happens you have to just go with it.  I thought for sure it would not last and not because we weren't good together, but I felt like when I told him about my life he would not be interested.  Soon into dating I told him the whole story of the past couple years of my life. I said if you can't accept this now then please walk away now. He simply looked at me and said we all make mistakes. I was very excited that he said this, but part of me felt so much guilt. This was a guy who lived his life so closely to the gospel and went on a mission. He was temple worthy and if he married me it meant he would not be sealed right away. Even thinking about this brings me to tears, but we were in love so we wanted to be married. Clint and I were engaged within a month and a half of dating. We picked a date and decided we would be married civilly and be sealed at a later date. A decision that was hard for some, but it was what was best for us.

    On March 30 we were married at our church building. We bought a house  in Nampa and started going to a nice ward. I am not sure why I had such a huge change of heart, but I did. I was so head over heels in love with Clint that I wanted to prove to him that I had changed. I put my whole heart into the gospel. I made sure we planned Family Home activities and reading scriptures together. I wanted to center our lives around the gospel so we could have a marriage that would last. My testimony grew so much as we started our lives together. I suddenly had courage to start praying out loud (which was a huge deal considering I have only said one prayer out loud and told the missionary who requested I do so that I hated him...yes in the middle of the prayer), bearing my testimony, and speaking during Sunday school. I started to prepare to go thru the temple. In October I got my patriarchal blessing and the next day went thru the Twin Falls, Idaho temple for my endowments. A couple weeks later we were sealed for all of time and eternity at the Salt Lake City, Utah temple.

   Nine months later I have a new calling in Young Women's that I love and a testimony that holds me together every day. I make decisions based on the gospel and my testimony. Maybe most people don't share their story in fear of what others might think, but it is who I am. I wasn't ready for the gospel when I was baptized, but it lead me to where I am and I knew it was true, but I wasn't willing to live it. I now live it and love it. I am proud to be a Latter Day Saint. I am proud to be with my eternal companion. I have a testimony that my Heavenly Father loves me and without this obstacle I would have never found Clint, my best friend, my eternal companion, my life. If I had to go thru the misery and trails a million times so that I could end up with him I would in a heartbeat. This man has helped me gain my unbreakable testimony by showing me what it means to truly love and to truly believe in something.

   So that is me...I wanted to share this so people understand my thoughts and where I am coming from. I focus on our future now and future posts will be how I am feeling and things I love and am learning from the gospel, but I wanted everyone to know where I came from and that I came back. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone thru, but it is my trial that I had to overcome. It was my test in this life.

Danielle